SILLY RABBITS

They all cared about the same things. They all wanted to eat good food, drink good drinks, see people feel better, feel better about themselves, sleep a lot, work enough to feel productive, and screw like bunny rabbits.

No one could ever do all these things all the time, but the bunny rabbits still wanted to. A few of the bunny rabbits wore respectable thimbles on their ears. No one knew if they were respectable because they wore the thimbles or if they wore the thimbles because they were respectable, but that didn’t matter either because about 98.9% of the bunny rabbits knew that thimbles equaled respectability, and respectability meant leadership and leadership meant telling everyone else where to get good food, drink good drinks, etc.

The problem was that half of the thimbles disagreed with the other half of the thimbles. The half that promised personal fulfillment to everyone’s basic desires, and consequently universal salvation, would come from nibbling on the left side of one’s lower lip wore blue thimbles, the half that promised fulfillment to everyone’s basic desires, and consequently universal salvation, would come from nibbling on the right side of one’s lower lip wore red thimbles.

The red thimble wearers and the blue thimble wearers had many complex and convincing arguments for their respective lip sides and many simple arguments too. All the bunny rabbits that liked the red thimbles’ arguments knew that the blue thimbles were screwing it all up, they had it all totally backward, they were on the completely wrong side of the lower lip; it even made them look funny. And all the bunny rabbits that liked the blue thimbles’ arguments knew that the red thimbles were screwing it all up, they had it all totally backward, they were on the completely wrong side of the lower lip; it even made them look funny. So all the bunny rabbits that couldn’t agree about lip sides (98.9%) were forced to depend on the crazy bunny rabbits that didn’tbelieve nibbling their lower lips would help at all (1%).

These crazies were easily recognized by the lack of blood on their chin from lip nibbling. Some had scar tissue on one side of their lower lip or the other, and some had scars on both sides. These few “crazy” rabbits(1%) pretty much nibbled their right toes or their left toes in order to save everyone and the world. The left toers’ leaders wore green thimbles, and the right toers’ leaders wore brown thimbles. These rabbits were obviously crazy because they couldn’t walk and nibble at the same time, (but these immobile nibblers did get very flexible in their motionless states.)

But anyway, the normal people (98.9%) were condemned by their disagreement with each other to keep a very close eye on the crazies’ bloody spots because the tie was so close that one little lower lip nibble just left or right of the middle (usually in desperation at a useless bloody toe) could give the reds or the blues 49.46%, a majority. Then most of the rabbits could stop nibbling on themselves for four more years unless someone rudely mentioned nibbling at the dinner table or in the break room or something like that.

Oh, all unscarred bloodless rabbits (about .1%, (there were two of them, they didn’t want to save the world, they just wanted to save some of it, and they started by saving their body parts from their incisors)) were condemned as selfish and apathetic. They didn’t count.