Careless Christianity?
Dan and the author formerly known as gauche have been talking about subtle Christianity
The biggest criticism of me from me and from loved ones over the last year or so, is always that I don't take anything seriously, that I don't get upset by the things that ought to upset me, that I don't get mad when I ought to, that I don't feel anything until I have decided what to feel about it, that I don't care.I like to think that my "careless" attitude is a feeble attempt to answer gauche's question about Thursday morning Christianity. If there's no burning house to charge into should we then start setting houses on fire? Of course not. When I first posed the question of how to be a subtle Christian to myself a year ago or so, all I could come up with was the sweet simple stuff, the golden rule, and self-control. So where did the "apathy", the "carelessness", or even "desirelessness" come from? Well, we all know better than to set houses on fire in order to provide ourselves with a way to reassure ourselves that our Christianity is active, but do we, and especially do I, know better than to imagine, or pretend that a house is on fire? Um, probably not. So as a result I have decided to wander through houses, lives, and life, suffering with others until I feel the heat of a fire, until I smell my hair and flesh begin to burn, and then I'll know that it is time for heroism. Because the Christ, the Christianity (the burning house), that one looks for one will find. Until that time, until I begin to burn with others I will continue suffering carelessly.Is this ok? Am I lying to myself?
posted by luke @ 2:22 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
refraining from arson: very good. The thing is what if you come across, say, a little grass fire you could easily stomp out? It would be foolish to panic and call the fire department, but equally foolish and unnatural to say, "Nothing's burning." um, I just stretched that metaphor way beyond its strength. The thing is - one should suffer small things gracefully, but by recognizing their smallness - not by pretending they don't cause you to suffer at all. [Mary]
Unrelated (related stuff will be incorporated into the upcoming weeks-nay-months-in-the-making post): I think Silliman needs his own category in your links that says "Either 5 seconds or 40 years."
Umm.... it is now.
Questions like "am I lying to myself" are largely intractable: if you don't know the answer already, it's unlikely that you will be able to think of it on your own. You could do a little experiment, though. Read karamazov or the idiot and then observe yourself, always asking, "which character am I most like?" or "if I were this other way, the way that I think I'm not, how would my actions or attitudes be different?"
But I disrespect what I have been calling the mystical experience more than I ought, because it also can serve a purpose toward answering your question. Having burned for the encounter with God at the margins, rebuking the unsuffering Church, shedding holy tears for the Incarnation, while unhealthy as a way of living, are useful because they allow one to answer the self-doubt you bring up. You can say, "I'm not worried about the fact that that I don't have this passionate pursuit of the connection with God, because I've already done that. I'm someplace else, now."
I believe growth is an oft-overlooked aspect of Christianity: though I came to Christ through deep depression, I do not endorse depression as a place one should stay. Neither the passionate and mystical. Neither, the mundane sainthood: I am curious to explore this idea, but when I am done with it, I am confident that there is some other, equally engaging facet of the life in Christ for me to explore.
This has been more to clarify my own thoughts than, I suspect, to contribute to yours: if I have given clumsy analogy to anything in your head, I am glad.
-- now even more gauche!
Mary: I agree, and understand your concern. It's setting up this definition of heresy/sin/fire, this creed, that I cannot do on my own. I know that it needs to be more than a smoke detector, or things like cigarettes will begin to set it off, but it also needs to, i think, look at the fires individually, (the way a good priest does in confession). I'd have to close my eyes and plug my ears and nose in order to ignore fires, but then i'd suffocate. The point is, even with my eyes open, i'd have to be closer to the small fires to see them.
Will: That's what's great about Dan, it's a surprise everytime.
gauche: I know that i'll never know if i'm lying to myself, and it's a good thing, or there would be no such thing as growth. I did do that with karamazov it does help. Growth is extremely important, I came to Christianity through fear, and it took several years to move out of that. My newfound fearlessness seemed extremely dangerous, but only where it bordered complete carelessness. I think now I may be beginning to exhaust this "facet of life in Christ." Maybe it's time for something a bit less greasy, rambling, and shiny, and a bit more rigorous, callused, and hardworn. I guess we'll see.
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