Jennifer Louise, you don't know me but we're cousins.

I once wrote that there is a fine line between writing and verbal diarrhea. I now know that I have no power over that line.

something i heard when i might have been awake:
"Tuesdays are apple pie days."
"But what about my mother's birthday?"

My sister doesn't change, neither do my brothers. I insist on making life a life-changing experience.

Yesterday I fell down a flight of stairs. I broke nine ribs and fractured my skull.

Just kidding.

Seriously--comma--space--I didn't fall down at all yesterday I just wanted to see if you were still listening.

I saw a really fat squirrel yesterday. It moved slowly.

I'm often reminded of a man that went down Niagara falls in a six foot rubber ball and received only minor bruises. He was ridiculed as a coward, and people started using barrels again. We need more of that these days.