Just went to the theatre and saw "The Village"
It was pretty good, I really liked it, I'm definately a sucker for that sorta thing
I'd fall in love with a blind Judy Greer any day
The only thing I think should've been done, is Dave Frank should've done the voice-over's for the previews and the subtitle should've been, "It's not not real"

today was (probably) my last day of work for the summer. I worked no less than 851 hours in these 11 weeks. I've been tiredly looking forward to this day for a while now, but now, (made apparent by my posting this) I'm afraid I'll have nothing to do. Since I spent nearly half of my existence the last three months obeying orders as a laborer, it seems a little overwhelming to be my own master again.

some of the highlights from work this summer

1. the 1/4 in. plate steel car battery sized ash tray in the break room at the industrial powder coating factory that had written on the side of it, "PAIN PAIN PAIN"
2. the sign in front of joe and ed's drive through junk food store that reads,
"UNITED WE STAND
COFFEE & CAPPUCCINO"
3. coffee by the quart, cigs by the carton, chilled espresso shots, energy drinks, power bars...
4. The guy in the industrial powder coating break room that said, "I've worked in this hell hole through 3 marriages, raising 6 kids, paid child support for 17 years now, but you know what, now I can do what I want, get drunk when I wanna, get laid when I wanna, and I ain't got no bitch to rag on me 24/7, it's f---ing great man, I'll tell you what, there ain't no such thing as love, 'love is a trick of nature' to get us stupid f---ers to reproduce, there ain't no such thing man, I'll tell you, when she says, "I loooove you" she's really bangin' some other dude, there ain't no such thing, I'm serious, I kin tell you don't believe me, but you should, I wish someone 'ud've told me when I was young, it's not though, I'll tell you that, when...if one of my kids tells me "dad, I love you" I believes that, but some whore, nuhuh. . . . caught 7 catfish last night, man, it was awesome, couldn't get f---ed up though, cuz I had to come here in the morning."
5. The windshield banner on the mexican's car at the produce farm that read, "Don't hate master...well um, yeah
6. seeing nine rainbows (two double), saying, "that's the most beautiful sunset I ever saw" to myself at least a dozen times, and meaning it; seeing the sun rise and set. every. single. day.
7. winding up the chords
8. swinging a sledgehammer, full swing, as hard as I can, completely soaked with sweat,with no shirt on, in a four foot trench, 92degrees and sunny, for 45 minutes straight, it was awesome, that was yesterday
9. getting up at 4:30 to pour concrete, two days in a row
10. putting bales in the barn, 8:00 pm, looks like rain, so we pow wow-ed and stomped out an improvised but effective farmboy's imitation of a rain dance.
11. Get 'er done
12. Do it right
13. running a New Holland Bale Wagon while a coyote nonchalantly trotted along about twenty feet away waiting for me to kick up a rabbit
15. smoking cigars with grandpa
16. wearing a pony tail and bandana every single day
18. thinking of nothing but the task at hand (really, nothing at all, it's nice)
19. I don't know if it had something to do with the current political climate or Dr. Reist, but I started flashing the peace sign instead of the normal blue collar two-fingers-lifted-off-the-steering-wheel-wave (and, even better yet, with persistence and a strange sense of humor, I kept it up, and by the middle of this month I started to notice it cacthing on, all the kids that I work with always wave to me with the peace sign, but even old farmers and people that didn't know me, only the place I worked for, even though they were probably just trying to humor the hippi looking kid, well, it worked
20. laying in the shade, content, letting the sweat dry

About five miles into my 14 mile run today I saw a half smoked pack of Marlboro menthols most likely discarded in a moment of absurd passion in an attempt to quit smoking. I smiled.

About five miles later, against the wind and rain, nothing but four miles of straight flat tar and chipped country road keeping me from home, I could see the silver roof of our barn over the tassels of the corn mocking me as it refused to grow larger at a noticeable rate. My wrapped, strained left ankle was throbbing, pains were shooting from my right knee to hip as a result of compensating for the ankle, and it was raining. I hung my head and squeezed my eyes shut to allow the sweat and water to slide over my cheeks and past the corners of my mouth, I glanced at the shaggy grass at the roadside, and saw an opened pack of Marlboro reds, missing one or two, soaking up the rain. I smiled again, then noticed the packaging from a Marlboro red buy two get one free promotion, and an unopened, still shrink-wrapped pack, without thought, I stepped into the ditch and snatched it, about three steps later, there was the other one. I got it too. The rain stopped almost immediately after, and the last four miles I spent trying to run a smile off my face with my paws full of cigarettes.

last week: 
i worked 85 hours 
i slept less than 30 
i ran 26 miles 
i didn't wear a shirt (all week)
i painted my motorcycle and 
i still couldn't keep myself busy enough
 
oh, and yesterday night if i was 5 months older i could've gone with my aunt and cousin to the american legion in North Fairfield, Ohio, where the beer is completely free for everyone until someone takes a piss

While searching for my extra zippo flints i found something i scratched on a piece of notebook paper a long long time ago under bloodshot eyes and a dry-heaving heart:






I couldn't cry (you out)
   you were deeper than my eyes

            I had to bleed.
              even the blood wouldn't come

      At first


I pushed harder--purged deeper
        slowly
    a drop formed        very dark almost black
      I kept cutting

I cried and bled    afraid I couldn't reach    you
    then in the pain a release
                I freed (me from) you
bandaged
covered
sealed          you can't come back



        curiosity made me look again

      a wound unhealed, uncovered
        I touched it
        You touched it first      crawled back in    straight to my blood
                      deeper than before

I can't bleed (you out)

here i sit, at dan's house, here for the weekend. we just ordered a pizza from mario at gino's. after going to a party with dan with a bunch of the grand rapids crowd, i need to see dirty pretty things again, and make dan watch it with me. ...it is wonderfully painful to see debauchery done so well.





completely (kinda) unrelated, last saturday, i took and passed my motorcycle driving test, while i was sitting on my bike in the parking lot before the test, a little blonde 3 year-old and her 4 year-old brother meandered toward me, he exclaimed, "you've got a nice motorcycle!" and then she pointed at the emblem on my saddle bags and said, "hawk" then he said, "no, that's a goose" then she said, "what's a goose?" then i said, "it's an eagle." then she said, "ohhh, that rhymes with seagull."