Thursday, September 30, 2004

Why I'm not (no longer) an evangelical:
And why sometimes it's hard for me to even respect them

today, in front of me in the line for french toast there was a girl with a dictionary sized book, hardcover, duck-poop-green, gaudy gold lettering

"What's that?"
"oh, it's a book my pastor gave me, Daily Meditations [or something like that], it's great, it takes only like ten minutes, I love it."
"cool"

as she slopped syrup precariously close to this huge book of discipline and wisdom.

Example


Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Now muscle shoals has got the swampers

well, that "ten day illness" that I "just got over" turned into a seventeen day illness. the last five days were dominated by a migraine and a fever. i tried to ignore it as much as possible. i zoned and blacked out frequently. i stayed up till 4 monday night around a camp fire drinkin' arabic tea to spend time with a friend that's moving to europe next week. yesterday evening/last night/this morning i spent sixteen hours in my bed. cold chills, cold sweats and feverish nightmares kept me company. i'm feelin' almost normal now. a few minutes ago at big lots (i was buying a pushbroom) and i heard a three year old singing along with lynard skynard.

Example

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

I hate you people!!

this morning some of the neighborhood kids were playin' with chalk in the parking lot, most drew hearts, one drew a circle far away from everyone else, and one little girl...



I'm just now getting over a ten day illness. I did not get proper bed rest. I did not take proper forms and doses of medicines. I did not not ride a roller coaster 126 miles per hour vertical to 420 feet then straight down again. I did not not write this post with bleary eyes just because I am using the force-yourself-to-write-you-lazy-bastard approach. I'm in that precarious position of overusing alliteration to express my desire to give up searching for meanings and directions so I can just sit back and watch as the little girl from accross the alley writes, "I hate you people!!" with sidewalk chalk on our parking lot right behind my car.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Example

a rythmic thump
a pulse
the common sounds become louder
my sight turns introverted
eyeballs inside out
muscles ache to twitch
everything leaks of sarcasm
crawls with cynicism
pounding
it won't come alive
senses dying
close my eyes
white desert(ed) hills
disgustingly bloated
feels like fake sand
grainy under my fingernails
open eyes, still inside out
. . . just say something, make it, hear it
. . . complete that narcissistic circle
. . . and come back to life

Example

Monday, September 13, 2004

right now, as i type the C drive of my laptop is being deleted: scraped, washed, and polished. That includes all of the unhandwritten writing (save this blog) that I have spewed in the last two years. It's all go(ing)ne, the poems, the short stories I haven't finished (and apparently never will) the papers I burnt my tongue with burnt coffee for at 2am, the dark, dying, diary of a selfish, mislead, and underinformed college freshmen (by the way, i'm still selfish, mislead, and underinformed, but at least now I have rebellious long hair), oh, and my entire mp3 collection, including the dozens of jazz and blues albums i ripped from grandpa while he showed me 80 year old pictures of relatives that reminded him of me (my favorite was of four brothers sitting on newly poured concrete stairs with a cast iron railing leading up to the small concrete front porch of the house in Detroit one of them just bought with the money he made bolting motors to motormounts at his new job at the plant, these four brothers, grampa said, liked to drink and smoke and chew (uncle Harlow would always bitch when they came to visit because their discarded wads of tobacco cud looked like dogshit lying around his yard.) completely unbeknownst to their straight laced Methodist parents. And once when they were younger playing poker and unexpectedly heard their parents buggy crunch along behind the clods of their horse into the driveway the four brothers quickly gathered their only deck of cards, and "in a hard-cider induced stroke of pure dumbass" they hid them in the burning wood stove)







so, it's all gone, even the Microsoft Paint Brontosaurus that hovered on rocket feet charring it's enemies, but with my laptop unfried, at least my posting should return to it's normal "at school" frequency

Thursday, September 09, 2004

"The Argument"

a couple weeks ago, i walked into (or maybe through) a cloud of songless sparrows, the kind that can't fly, they can sing, but they weren't, they don't peck out eyeballs, just kiss the air

but, seriously, a couple days ago I had a dream that a friend of mine (/ours) acquired an invisible puppy (she might've been able to see it, but no one else could) that she walked with an invisible leash. We weren't concerned for her sanity, because it was a cute puppy that didn't bite. Then one day it snowed and we were all surrounded by puppyprints bounding around us, as the snow powdered the invisible puppy back. Then we were (along with the puppy) instinctively drawn with numbing appendages to the warmth of the music drifting down from a large, rectangular, flowered balcony.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

"The Argument"

a few days ago I walked into, (or maybe through, i'm not sure yet) a large cloud of invisible sparrows. The kind that sing instead of fly, but they weren't (aren't?) singing, just chillin' with a blue jay named bodacious bob (cousin of radical rob?)

no, but seriously, i did have a dream about a friend of mine that went crazy and told everyone that she had an invisible puppy, that she walked with an invisible leash, no one believed her, nor was anyone really concerned, because it was a cute puppy, with a cute bark (we thought she could just throw her voice well). but then it snowed, and there were puppy footprints.

another dream